Waiting on a man to come and lie down beside me so I won’t wake up with nightmares again alone. I’m waiting for human connection. Yes, he’s a man but no intimacy. I am just too broken for such a luxury. I’m too vulnerable to give my body to another. I’m waiting on just someone who can make me feel not so alone. If I wake up with a friend I don’t cry first thing. The loss of my baby and the man I thought was someone with a code, lied. I waited on him for 5 months only to leave me. Ever since I just keep waiting for any comfort I can seek. I fear I’ll be waiting forever because the hole he left is so big. I’ll be optimistic at the end of my entry. I’m waiting on the hole he left transform into just him leaving into having more room….for happiness. Perhaps I should be not so fooled by the hole he left. I’ll wait on the happiness like a star in the night sky. The holes in the sky are stars but every night no matter how dark the sky becomes you always see the stars. Burning on and on and on like our hearts waiting to finally burn out and find peace and sink back into the night with a full life lived. Waiting for the holes in my night sky to finally burn out. No one looks at the stars as holes poked in the sky. When your are heart broken waiting on your life to make sense, you would see it too at night when you looked up. The disconnect. They are on fire for a reason. Seemingly to represent my own holes. Burning me alive. I’m waiting on time to take this from me. Where the holes you left in me will finally burn away never to be seen again.