The aftermath evening

Earlier today i blogged abt a situation that occured shamelessly in my own home. A friend apparently was holding on to facade. Poor thing no wonder she waited until after her meal to exacerbate and collaborate with my husband. A friend was lost today in the war of life. Unfortunately she was under the influence of mob mentality so each word she sliced through our friendship with was warranted. The other half of the formentioned ‘mob’ is sitting not two feet from me in the adjoining leather recliner. My lover, my husband is experiencing a moment where he is perhaps re-visiting the events earlier and i imagine understanding that it was bad…and it wasnt right. I cant, of course, know for sure if he is feeling any of this. It seems so but i havent looked at him or spoken to him directly since he left me striped of all pride and any kind of resilience earlier. At least he left the magic by my bed before leaving to meet with his friends. I havent even touched it. It still sits on the side table. After the morning mocked my life and the pressures of false securities in friends slithered away i lay in my bed staring out into nothingness for hours. I was alone then and i still feel alone. The lonliness crept in my lungs like a form of the black plague making me infected with a holllowness that seemingly cant be filled.  I know somehow and some way this will pass but this is the worst and the most irrevocably hopeless ive ever experienced. My words were seen as gnats that disturbe a sunday brunch instead of what they were ….which was the truth. I had the truth and no one cared. No one would allow my words to pass. It is like a nightmare. This is why im blogging for the first time ever….i have to get it out so let there be a record of me telling the truth about the events in my life. Just imagine you see a huge beast next to your husband and you yell and scream out to him to run….that the beast is crouching and getting ready to pounce and he hushes you saying nothing is there and to stop screaming at him and go get an eye doctor. You scream and run and….and you absolutely exhaust yourself asking why? Why wont he just believe me? But its too late….the beast pounces him and the night falls. He was and is…supposed to be my one. My one. Skin of my skin….if only he had trusted me he wouldnt feel the unforgiving sting of my apathy and the sting of knowing i was right all along. And finding that out will be much much later after my heart had broken. I live him but know not what to say…my words will fall on deaf ears…ive tried and im just exhausted and just cant deal with looking at him and being reminded of how out of control i am. Ive told him i just cant talk about anything anymore and have said maybe one sentence more to him this night. I fear i shall be this way for sometime. Close the drapes and paint it all black. I lost a friend today along with my pride…what will speaking of it take away next? Lord be with us.


13 thoughts on “The aftermath evening

    • Perhaps,I know I’m fighting in spiritual warfare all the time. I know I’m meant to do something great for the Kingdom and the devil will be knocking and intruding all the time. I know the evil spirits are everywhere, but God is stronger. Have faith. It’s all I have to my name right now. I’m being stripped and placed in a hole and it hurts.

      • It has to be an evil spirit. None of this is good or right. Where did you see them? Did a situation bring them about or did you see them causing one? I’m sorry, I’m just interested, especially with what is happening to me.

      • It’s called the gift of discerning of spirits if your a Christian. It is spiritual warfare. Never commune with them. Just bind the spirit, say (I bind you evil spirit in Jesus name) say- Lord rebuke you, and tell it to leave your house and never come back. Now, here’s an important thing. Ask the Holy Spirit to come in and fill that void. Often there are “open doors” that allow them to come in. Drugs, alcohol, strife, lying, any major sin really. So you gotta shut the doors. This is complex. Maybe you should email me-like I said before.

        Sent from my iPhone

      • OH yes, the gifts of the spirit. I’m sorry, I am still learning all the quirks to wordpress and I did not see where you had told me to email you. I will! I do understand what you are saying, but also just had a revelation about what you said about the demons leaving a void to be filled. I’ve never thought about that before but you are right.

      • It’s ok. I thought I was crazy when I started seeing them after I became a Christian. I didn’t know it was a “gift.” Ha. Doesn’t seem like a gift, does it?


        Sent from my iPhone

      • yes but knowing they are there is a whole lot better than not knowing. I always felt them growing up, that some energy or presence was in my room. I was also attacked and have had night terrors. I learned to scream Jesus name, and it would immediately stop. One time I found I could not move my tongue because it was being held or pinned or something. I fought and writhed around in a night terror until all that I could get out was a scream saying “Jesus!!!” The spirit in the past had learned I would call on the name of the Lord and he didn’t want that to happen because they immediately flee at the sound of even His name. I found this really really interesting, because I had always said out loud exactly what my mother told me to. “In the name of Jesus Christ and through the power of His blood, I command you to get out.” Real scary stuff sometimes. Thanks for sharing. I never emailed you. Yet….

      • I am a Christian. I am just very hurt right now and confused, I fell on my knees last night in the bathroom and gave this to God telling him, I had to lay down this burden because it was breaking me, I told him I wanted his will to be done no matter what. He is in control. I also asked him to soften my heart towards this matter to help me to understand and to also soften my husbands heart. I praised him and asked for fogiveness and just thanked him, because he was there like a father just letting me cry and give my pain away. He really was there in my bathroom and it felt so good, so relieving to have someone hear my words and comfort me. It was like tasting chocolate for the first time,ya know? Ill send this to your email as well.

      • It was. Don’t worry, my frend, all you have to do is say what my mother always told me to say….”In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave my presence right now!” And I’ve always said it, and you know what my friend? It has worked every single time. Tell me more about your experiences with a negative energy….sooo interested

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s